I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he told me I talked like a deaf person
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
