What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
