Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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