I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize