if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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