Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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