her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
