Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
