lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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