so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize