they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My cat gives me a boner
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
