I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
