there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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