Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
