Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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