that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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