Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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