he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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