My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
