how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
