I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
