I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
