the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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