We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
