dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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