She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
