just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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