Do you still have your period?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
