He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
