Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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