Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
