Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
