Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
