All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
