My hand turned me down
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
