come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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