My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
