My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
