I'm lost and stupid without you.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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