Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
