I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
