The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
