loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
