Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
