Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
