I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
