I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
