Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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