just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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