I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
