Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
