my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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