he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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