You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
MIDGETS
????
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
