when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
