haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
