Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
