my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
