I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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