I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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