Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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