When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
