Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
