Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
