I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
