His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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