I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
