Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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