if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
