Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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