I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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