I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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