good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
