Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
not ubering you a puppy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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