Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
