I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize