Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
"it" just moved
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
