shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize