I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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