it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
