you mean i was at the winter classic?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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