i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
